


first day of our lives

by katouis



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Alternate Universe - Parents, F/F, Miscarriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:41:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24746254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katouis/pseuds/katouis
Summary: Korra and Asami want their family to grow but it's never that easy.
Relationships: Korra/Asami Sato
Comments: 1
Kudos: 68





	first day of our lives

**Author's Note:**

> I call this trick; writing os in the middle of my zoom classes.

The first ime they talk about their own children, they've been dating for a year and find themselves sitting next to each other on top of a tablecloth while eating sandwiches and appreciating the autumn weather.

"When I have children I will teach them to play Pai Sho" Asami says watching a girl play the board game with her father while her mother gives them words of encouragement, "As my father taught me"

They generally don't talk about those issues, about motherhood or about long-term family dreams. Hardly have they moved together and although they have been friends for a long time, building a relationship is very different.

"Can you believe I suck at playing it?" she says, looking at the profile of her girlfriend. Asami's beautiful upturned nose and her lips with waterproof reddish lipstick, "Tenzin tried to teach me but I don't have the patience"

"Then you can teach them how to fish," her girlfriend suggests in a soft voice. It is the first time that she realizes that Asami looks at her future with her.

The second time is a couple of months later as they walk hand in hand through the mall after coming out of a scary movie. The knot in Korra's shoe comes undone and they let go for a moment so she leans in to tie it again.

"I don't think there is anything cuter than baby clothes,” Asami confesses, looking through the window of a closed children's store where some children's outfits are exhibited.

"I don't think there's anything cuter than you" she says standing up and hugging her girlfriend from behind, looking at the tiny clothes with her.

"When we have babies we should buy them clothes of colors that break the stereotypes" suggests Asami, still in front of the window, but with the tone of voice that she uses when she visualizes things, "I'm sick of seeing how they say that blue is for boys"

"I don't want it any other way" Korra smiles before giving him a small, soft kiss on the neck.

Over time, she becomes a fan of those little moments where they imagine the house is full of laughter and small steps, although it takes her a couple of years to realize that all imaginable futures are not as pleasant as those.

"It is important to me" Asami replies sighing as if it drained her emotionally.

They are in Asami's office sitting across from each other at the reddish wood desk. Even the employees outside can feel the tense atmosphere in the room that began with the papers that Korra holds between her fingers.

"But I'm not going to divorce you" she frowns, feeling a bit of betrayal in her heart.

"These are things that we cannot control in the future, love" Asami gets up from her black chair and walks around the table to kneel in front of her and hold her hands, "Korra, I love you more than I have loved anything. Believe me, I don’t want to get divorced, but if it happens, if that happens to us, I need to be prepared "

Korra lets her finish, watching those green eyes glow with sadness, as if her girlfriend was going to cry.

"I'm not interested in your money," she says in a wounded voice, still holding the prenup.

"I know, I know" Asami smiles without showing her teeth, but still she feels her gratitude to be loved for what she is, "But it is about the children we will have, so that in the event of a divorce the money will go to a account of our children, and if we do not have them, it would be divided equally "

She sighs deeply, leaving the papers on the desk to sign, trusting her fiancé's word. The movement of the pen gradually takes away the tension in the shoulders. She is doing it for their children. No one knows what can happen.

"Thank you, thank you" Asami lunges at her hugging her tightly but with the delicacy that characterizes her. Her hair smells like green apple because of the new shampoo that has been purchased. And spirits, she loves her too much.

"I'm not really excited about the idea of dividing the money equally," she says in a seductive tone, placing her hands on Asami's hips to lift her up and position her on the desk where she throws the papers on the floor, "I suggest that we begin to create the children"

Asami laughs softly below her, placing her hands on her fiancée's cheeks tenderly, "The first two women to create a child together"

"We can try until it's given to us," she smiles lewdly before kissing the woman of her dreams again.

✵✵✵

They try their best the first few times.

It is a year after they have married in a ceremony officialized by the spiritual guide of Korra where their friends accompany them in joy, that they decide to have children. It is quite simple, she remembers, they are in their bed after giving to each other with their legs intertwined and Asami rests her head on her chest.

"I love you so much, 'Sami" she lets her know for the tenth time that night by running her fingers through the black hair of her wife, who looks up at her from her position, "You can't even imagine how much"

"I get an idea" Asami smirks and she smiles at the attitude, but the sincerity that takes time in her chest forces her to lick her lips again and sigh.

"No, I'm serious. It took me three to fall in love with you and I've been loving you for a long time. Every night we go to bed together, every morning I see you wake up ..." she swallows the lump in her throat which forms in an attempt to hold back the tears that threaten to come out. However, it seems that her wife takes it as any of the moments when she gets sentimental. And no, this goes further, "My love for you only grows and overflows. I am no longer the teenager who only saw her own shoes, you know? Now I am someone else and I have had that change by your side. We have grown together and for a long time I have an idea in my head that I know will make you as happy as it will make me"

"What is it?" Asami asks smiling with happiness and she feels her own blush.

"I know it comes out of nowhere and we always joke about it, but I'm ready to start a family"

The green-eyed woman is silent for a moment staring at her until she says in her broken voice, "Please tell me you're not kidding."

And Korra smiles, because she has rarely been more certain of something.

They try their best the first few times.

They speak it for many months before going to a doctor for advice. After much examination, they decide that Asami is the best to carry the pregnancy and look for a donor among the large pile of files that the reproductive center offers them.

"Look at this" Asami shows her one of the profiles, "He is a mathematician and biochemist with a degree in molecular biology and he matches your blood type"

She wrinkles her nose, "Asami do you realize how smart you are? And how smart he must be? We'd have a little genius girl who's going to think I'm a clown"

She jokingly says so, but her wife looks at her for a moment with raised eyebrows, "Do you want a girl?"

Feel the shame grow inside her. They haven't talked about it, not yet, they still don't dream, "W-Well, yes. Imagine a mini you running around with such a beautiful face. It doesn't matter that she's a genius girl and doesn't even need my help learning the numbers "

Asami laughs, "So this is it"

They try their best the first few times.

The first time they buy pregnancy tests they look at them as if they have just found gold, holding hands that sweat with emotion. Nothing. They try again the following month. Neither. They try two months later, but still have no luck.

"It will happen, I know" Asami smiles hopefully. Heavens, she really loves to see her so positive even as they keep coming across a closed door over and over again.

They try it a fourth and a fifth time.

"We are close, love" Korra assures her wife when they leave the clinic, "I promise"

The excitement they had at first has lessened, now they walk to the side of the room meant to be their daughter's room and try to ignore it. The notebook with the possible colors with which they can paint the wall no longer rest in the nightstand where they discussed it every night, it is somewhere that neither of them can remember.

She takes Naga running around the neighborhood, because even though her house lot is huge, it also does her pet good to see other people and dogs. When she returns, Asami is in the kitchen preparing dinner. She smiles when she sees her.

"How are you, precious?" Korra gives her a fleeting kiss on the cheek because she's sweating from everything Naga has made her run.

"Nothing interesting, cupcake," the green-eyed woman finishes seasoning the chicken and leans against the granite counter, "Something came for you in the mail, it’s on the table”

She nods and walks out of the kitchen into the dining room, from where she can see Asami looking at her with a small smile. The box has the logo of an internet company, but she doesn't remember ordering anything.

"What is this?" she removes the adhesive tape as she can and opens the box, looking at a lot of papier-mâché and on top, "A fishing rod for beginners"

"Remember when we said that you would teach our children how to fish?" Asami's joy is reflected on her face as if she had seen a wonder. Yes. Yes she does. Every day. It is a thought with so much weight that it hurts right now.

"Asami" she takes a deep breath, knowing that the words she has to say are perhaps the hardest of her life, "You know, this is nice and everything but I really don't think we should continue to excite each other. It seems that this is not it's our destiny, maybe we are getting ahead of our time, I think that- "

Asami's eyes lose some sparkle, but her voice still sounds excited when she interrupts her, "Look deep down."

She opens her mouth to say something, but closes it and moves the remaining papier mache, meeting the bottom of the box, where there are five pregnancy tests taped up.

"No" is the first thing that comes out of your mouth. It is low, it is full of disbelief.

"So what was it you were saying?" Asami crosses her arms, raising her perfect eyebrows.

It doesn't even take a second for Korra to scream with excitement and rise from the couch to take her in her arms, lifting her a couple of inches off the floor.

"I'm going to be a mom!"

They really do try.

The color notebook is no longer a discussion because they decide to paint the room with a soft yellow and together they end up designing a forest-themed mural that sets the mood for the room that quickly begins to come alive over the weeks. Asami is so excited that she always calls her halfway through work to tell her how she feels, what she has eaten, how many workshops for pregnant women she has searched for. She is as excited as she gets at Christmas when they are reunited with Korra's family and she can't feel more complete.

It is small - whatever it is - it is tiny. They see it for the first time on the seven-week ultrasound. Asami is lying down holding her hand tightly as the doctor explains that they must return in a couple of weeks and although the time has been hard, the road has been hard, it is worth it.

They can't even hide it anymore, they tell their friends at a barbecue and they meet with Korra's parents who give her the push to agree to go to the courses in which Asami is so interested, where women talk about their experiences. during pregnancy and carry out activities that, according to them, stimulate the fetus.

They listen to the heartbeat. Spirits, they listen to the heart. She doesn't even thinks that the first time on a roller coaster was so scary and yet so exciting. They are dreaming, she tells herself. It can't be real that the woman she met dating the man she liked is now making a family with her.

Those are four months in which they feel like they are walking through the clouds, in which they fight over absurd things like who is going to teach them how to ride a bicycle (they decide that Asami, who also creates small safe bicycle designs) and who is going to introduce her to some sport (Korra, because Asami is cute but works more from the stands).

"I promise I will make things go as well as possible," she says to Asami one night when the lights go out. It has been a long day at work and they are both exhausted, but she needs to get it out of her heart because the words suffocate her, "We will do everything we can, ok? We will be those mothers who support and listen, and she will play with Naga all the time and you guys will play Pai Sho until she becomes better than you and we will fish until she finds out she hates fishing. We will go on vacation to my parents' house and play with penguins, we will take her to the beach and you will teach her how to build machines because it's going to be a little nerd "

At that point, Asami looks at her with tear-filled eyes, "Just like you"

"I'm not nerdy" she smiles with all her teeth, without taking her eyes off the woman with whom she has been in love for so many years,

"You quoted me a book on advanced economics the night we met," Asami reminds her, placing her warm hand on Korra's cold chest, "And every word was exact."

✵✵✵

It is a Thursday.

As a child, Friday was her favorite day. On Friday her father took her fishing with him. She sat in the back of the truck and watched the trees slowly disappear as they drove away from the city. Now, Fridays are horrible.

She finds Asami sitting on the kitchen floor staring blankly.

"There is nothing you could have done" says the doctor with the record in her hand, "It is a miracle that she survived so long"

They couldn't even figure out sex decently because the appointment was scheduled in a couple of days. They can't even hear the heartbeat again. There is nothing they could have done.

She cries. The first few weeks is the only thing she does. They return home and cannot even look at the room with childish decorations. They hadn't even been able to fully assemble the crib, always distracting themselves with laughter, kisses, or work. She cries keeping the tiny clothes in boxes to donate. She cries in the arms of her parents when she arrives with her suitcases to stay a couple of weeks because Asami does not cry. No. Asami does not cry. Asami does not laugh. Asami does not speak at all even for the first few days. She takes time out of her company and stays home and doesn't say a word. She just sits down to watch Naga run across the grass and goes back to bed.

"You can't stay silent forever," Korra says one of the nights she returns to bed. Her wife just looks at her, her lips sealed, only breaking Korra further, "She was my daughter too"

The truth does not know if she prefers Asami quietly or the Asami of that night, full of anger. Things are said that nobody should say to someone.

"She was my daughter too" Korra cries out in tears as Asami pushes her by the shoulders.

Those are the last words she says before leaving the big house with Naga. She cries all the way, and inside she knows Asami must be the same, even if the tears don't go down her cheeks.

And even though it's two weeks of torture, she feels the ugly part ends when Asami knocks on the door of her parents' house with a shy smile and an invitation to go therapy together.

"I never stopped thinking about you" the green-eyed woman confesses, "Forgive me for everything I said"

Korra sighs before hugging her tightly, "Forgive me for not understanding your grief."

She never thought it could happen to them, after what it had cost them, it was not fair. But it happened. And the worst thing was giving the explanations to everyone little by little, when they were still digesting it; their questions hurt them a lot.

They had a little farewell to their daughter. Just the two of them and Naga, as it always had been. Then they returned home and had each other until the words of forgiveness began to come out on their own.

"We are a mess," says her wife, putting her rebellious hair behind her ear.

"But we can get through all of this," Korra assures her, stroking her moonlit cheek, "We'll be fine, we can try again in a few months, or a few years. We can never try again if that's what you think is best." "

Asami smiles wistfully, "For now, I just want you to be with me tonight."

✵✵✵

Korra searches the car insurance through the office drawers, stumbling across all the adoption brochures they've found the past year and a half. There are all kinds, from international orientation days to small groups of people who, like them, seek to grow their family in this way.

It has been a crazy year, between visits by social workers, therapy, new work projects and a waiting list that seems to not convince any child to create a bond with them.

"We look very serious" says Asami looking at the bathroom mirror when they go out to take a shower together, "They see us bitter, that is the reason why we did not attract their attention"

Perhaps there were words of reason in Asami, or perhaps not. However, she likes the idea of adopting much more than the fertility clinic. In this way, Asami takes things slower, even dusting off her to-do list, traveling to places Korra never imagined she would be (like in a volcano), or doing things that never crossed her mind (like jumping from a plane with a parachute). Their misfortune had managed to unite them in a certain way, improving even their relationship.

But it's a friday.

It is a Friday when she comes home from work and is very tired, her mind begging for mercy because she is going to collapse. On normal Fridays, she waits for Asami to come home and eat Italian food together, however, it is not an ordinary Friday. Asami is on the sofa, crying.

"Hey, hey," she calls, going to her as fast as she can. Asami turns her face to her and notices that she is crying and smiling, "What happened, baby?"

"They called me" Asami smiles fully, her face lighting up, "A girl chose us"

"You're lying" is the only thing that comes out of her lips.

Spirits, on Fridays they begin to regain their joy.

✵✵✵

Akia is a sweet girl.

When she enters the restaurant where they are going to meet, they see her walking with a shy smile. She is tall and has even darker hair than Asami, although her eyes are not as green and her nose is not as uptight.

The social worker has guided them a little about the situation, Aika is a twenty-year-old university student who does not want to be a mother but has already been eight weeks pregnant, there is also a small detail: She is going to have twins.

She and Asami think hard about it. Their primary adoption plan consisted of perhaps a six- to ten-year-old boy, but then it had expanded into teens and then newborns. Those had been big changes, but none as drastic as going from wanting one baby to wanting two.

"We can do that" is the decision of Asami, who waits for hers peacefully and Korra knows they can. They always can.

"Hello, Aika?" the girl nods and Asami gets up from the seat to shake her hand, urging Korra to do the same.

They get to know each other a little more, they telling her the story of how they met at a party when Asami was dating Mako, who was Korra's platonic love. When he cheated on them both, their relationship had grown stronger.

"That is a peculiar story" the girl smiles tenderly, drinking from the chocolate that they have offered to pay, "I read that you have been trying to have a baby for a long time"

She nods, taking her wife's hand, "We dealt with artificial insemination for a long time and had a miscarriage. We are already waiting two years to adopt, but the system is not very pleasant with same-sex couples" Korra does a grimace with her mouth to show her discontent.

Aika seems to understand, "I know, but I also know that you would make great mothers and if I'm honest, you are my only option so far"

She feels Asami's grip tighten and she feels the need to say something, "Nothing would make us happier than being in their lives, Aika. I tell you from my heart, we can give you everything you need in your pregnancy and with us, the children would have everything we can give them in the world "

The girl thanks when saying goodbye. For all. For the chocolate, for the breads, for the patience, for the love they have and for not judging her. She asks them to meet later and they accept, going to bed that night happy, like the first one they tried to have children. They are anxious and Korra stops, for the first time since the miscarriage, in the nursery. She has had no need to enter, after all the employees clean the house and she does not have to relive the memories. Now, with hope in her chest, she realizes that she is not the same person who painted that mural.

"I thought I was going to die that day" she confesses to Asami one night before they meet Aika the second time, "When I saw you on the ground and saw the blood, I thought that it was me who would die"

"We went through a lot" says the green-eyed woman, "And here we are"

"Together"

"Always" Asami smiles.

✵✵✵

Almost two years ago, she couldn't imagine doing it all over again. She did not imagine repainting the room, this time with a maritime design, she did not imagine receiving a call from Asami glad to have found another course for pregnant women who later consulted with Aika to go with them. She never imagined seeing Asami again as happy as then. She didn't imagine it would feel like Christmas again.

They are going to be moms.

"I've been thinking about it a lot" says Aika in her second meeting, "And it's you. You are going to be the mothers of my baby"

Asami cries with happiness on her shoulder. They will never forget their daughter, it is a vital part of them, but they have a second chance to live that experience. They listen to the heartbeats, the two heartbeats. They are strong and clear, they are healthy children. She and Asami stroll through the stores buying children's clothes again, buying clothes at random because the two decide not to know the sex of the baby until the moment of delivery.

They talk about who will do what again, and this time they decide they will do it together. When the kids learn to ride a bicycle, they will hold the seats and when they learn sports, Asami will be on the field as an extra. They put the cribs together (well, Asami sets them up and she only holds the screws), they tell their friends on Asami's birthday, and they go to see Korra's parents even inviting Aika, whom Senna likes very much.

When the seventh month arrives, the womb looks like it is going to burst and they decide that the girl stays at home with them in order to assist her with her needs. Korra makes breakfast, the employees lunch and Asami dinner while Aika dies of grief for feeling annoying. But no. She only brings joy.

✵✵✵

The girl had told them it was her wish that they would be in the delivery room to carry the children and be the ones they recognized, and Korra thought the idea was amazing at first, but now, putting on the hospital gown, she feels like she's going to pass out.

"You will be fine," Asami says, kissing her on the forehead, and repeats the same words to Aika, holding her hand while she growls in pain.

It is the longest and most strenuous nine hours of her life, but when she sees the first baby come out she feels that she has been born again. Asami holds Aika's hand as the other leaves her body and she watches the nurses as they are quickly clean them to wrap them in blankets before handing it over to her and her wife.

Not even in her best dreams did she imagine that she would be standing there with a creature with such black hair and such a fragile appearance, facing the woman of her dreams who holds a similar one.

"Hello, little thing" she looks at her son's closed eyes and pink cheekbones and the tears spill over without even thinking.

It is that Friday when she meets love the second time, but this love is different. It is a love that promises to have no end, it is a love that once tried to flourish and now it does so in all its splendor.

"Thank you, thank you very much," she says out loud, although she doesn't know if it's for Asami, who also speaks to the girl in her arms in a very soft tone, or for Aika, who watches the scene crying too.

✵✵✵

The first months, however, are a medieval torture. Korra's life before having children consisted of very simple things like getting up, bathing, eating breakfast, going out to work, returning from work, eating and sleeping. Now she barely sleeps at night, because Hiro is a light sleeper, Naga barks at the night birds, and Takumi is only awakened by Hiro's screams. It is chaos, but it is chaos that she loves.

They continue to receive visits from the social worker monthly, but Korra is sure that no mother can be better than Asami, who sits in the same place where she once felt unhappy, and sings to her two children. Their children. Those who they had dreamed so much.

"I love you so much, Asami" she smiles at her wife from the door of the nursery when she sees her looking at them in the middle of the night. She is sitting, just there. Watching their breaths go up and down, "You have no idea how much"

"I think I do" the green-eyed woman smiles softly, "Come here"

Korra walks over to her and sits next to her on the sofa in the room, watching the children next to her. The same children with light eyes that seem to have stars and puffed cheeks like little muffins, the children that speak a language that they do not yet understand but that later they will dominate in its entirety. The same children who later go through many stages, from laughing at everything, knocking things down out of curiosity, who are going to crawl, walk and then run towards them, who are going to laugh on the grass and watch the rain, the kids who are going to play with Asami's hair and will want to ride Naga all day. The children who are going to want to oppose their opinions, who are going to get excited for Christmas like Asami, who are going to have a first day of school, who are going to take Korra as their hero to school (because Asami is not capable of catching fish with her left hand, an important requirement for the position), who are going to dream and run after trains, who are going to fall in love and are going to cry, laugh, fall and get up and appreciate.

But more importantly, the children who will call them their moms.


End file.
